I often find myself ‘ERR’ in my relationships, where ERR stands for Enduring, Repairing or Resigning. I created this acronym to decide the ideal path I should take. I am sure knowingly or unknowingly we all have used one or a couple of these strategies in our relationships, and I am pretty sure that resigning from a relationship is the least chosen. But is it often the best solution?
I wonder if the other principles of life apply to relationships as well — theories that claim that success comes to only those who work hard and are patient. I fail to find an example of a relationship where we put in hard work and it blossoms. Be it a relationship between co-workers, couples or friends, do you believe hard work or patience or intelligent work can make it a sparkling one?
With couples, men often create situations, where their partners end up resigning or giving up, but here I found myself in a situation where I resigned from a six-year-long relationship. It wasn’t like I had not endured or tried to repair the relationship and I am sure my partner tried the same innumerable times, but the real question is when do you call it quits or resign. While I still fail is to answer a simple question, did I endure for a bit too long or did I resign early?
Even if we look at work relationships or people in our team(s), I am sure we can’t like everyone and it becomes really tricky when we are not on great terms with a senior colleague. Not everyone can be as smart as Dr Gregory House from the popular TV series, that he/she can make his boss miserable and can still survive every work-day. The question again arises: how long do you endure or try to repair, and when you call it quits?
When I’m stuck in such dilemmas, I often admire the West. Yes, they have a high divorce rate and they may seem self-centered, but they don’t see everything as right or wrong. It’s all about perspective for them, which is what I love!
Coming back to our question — should you endure till both parties become miserable and one party gives up? This would make sense if it was a competition, but it hardly ever is. It could be the case with a couple or colleagues at work or between the boss and employee, but unless you are competing for something why endure? Why try to repair? Why not resign and quit early, and cause less pain to everyone?
As Gandhiji once said, the only devils in the world are those running around in our hearts. It is much easier and pain-free to control our own devils, be the bigger person and build sparkling relationships or get out of them in good time.
This article had first appeared on Impactonnet and has been reproduced here.