Rav: Hello, everyone. Today, we will talk about the top three mistakes parents make when they are trying to be better parents. The official podcast of BNI successfully, your links to success.
Rav: Hello again, everyone. I’m your host, Rav Mendiratta, and welcome to the BNI success link official podcast. My company is Sociosquares, and landing leads are where my business leads. Today, we will talk about the top three mistakes parents make when trying to be better parents. And I have an expert in this field with me today. Jenny Michaelson, a parent coach, Jenny, thank you so much for doing this.
Jenny: Oh, you’re very welcome. It’s nice to be here.
Rav: So parent coaching, as I told you, I never heard that parent coaching was a thing. So how did you get into parent coaching? And what is this all about?
Jenny: Sure, thanks for asking. One of my biggest missions is to let people know that parent coaches exist. So I was a teacher educator for a decade-plus, and in my journey, I became a dean of students. And in that role, I supported my students, both their social-emotional support and their academic support, by working with their parents. And so, we would work together as a team to make sure the kids got what they needed to figure out how they could improve, both socially, emotionally, and academically. And in the process, I discovered that I’d loved supporting the parents to support their kids. And that’s how I got into parent coaching.
Rav: That’s very interesting. So from teacher to parent, and then now parent, coach. That’s pretty awesome. And I’m sure your kids are all grown up now. So you’ve seen the whole cycle of how their moods and behaviors change? Well, not exactly all grown up. But they are getting there. They’re teenagers. So parenting can vary quite a bit with different cultures. I’m an Indian; we come from very different cultural backgrounds. I’m sure you will have a very different upbringing. So how do you manage different cultures? What are the common elements when it comes to parenting which applies across?
Jenny: Yeah, I mean, that’s a great question.
1) Values: One of the things that I always talk to my parents about people that I’m coaching is to help them ground in their values. And that’s the place that we start. So if you know, if connected to your values, and that’s what you wish for your children. So you already have a foundational piece that helps you make most of your parenting decisions.
2) Standard of Living: And what I have found is that while there can be varying degrees within those values, of course, based on people’s backgrounds, their upbringing, where they live, there are some pretty fundamental pieces that everybody wants for their kids. And that’s for them to be healthy, to have a stable family life, to be loved, to be kind human beings, to be part of a community, to be respected, maybe to find love, maybe have passion, have a fulfilling life, and learn how to build resilience and grit.
And I think across all cultures, you know, these are the fundamental principles of what all parents want for their kids.
Rav: That’s true. And now that I hear what you share, it makes a lot of sense. So let’s talk about the title of this podcast. What have you seen as the top three mistakes which parents make?
Jenny: Well, I mean, parenting is riddled with mistakes. So I like to think of them as missteps rather than mistakes. Because, you know, there’s always a way to get yourself back on the path if you take a misstep. And I think it’s a natural part of parenting. And what I try to do as a coach is also to make sure we build a lot of self-compassion around the job that we’ve been tasked to do, which is difficult. But to get to your point, the three top missteps that I see as a parent coach are:
1) Not collecting enough data: So we might try to decide for our kids. And we just don’t have enough information. For example, if you have a child who you feel is on the screen too much, which is pretty much all of us. And I’m speaking from being the mother of teenagers right now. Instead of just coming in, sweeping in, and trying to make any changes, find out what’s happening.
What are they doing online?
Ask them open-ended questions- What do you enjoy about it?
What’s your favorite thing to do?
How does it make You feel before we can make a bunch of changes? Do we need some information?
We think we know, right? What’s going on? But we don’t always know. And so I think that the first piece is to ask some questions, get some more information. The first misstep is trying to make decisions without enough collection of data and evidence.
2) Pretty unrealistic expectations: And I’m just going to stick with the screen time in thinking that our kids are, they can turn it off with no problem, like, they’ll be fine if they don’t have the screen. And well, we know that’s true. We also know that these things are designed to make you want more. And so we might have this expectation that if we just put a limit on it, they should just be able to turn it off without throwing a tantrum or getting upset or going over the time limit that we’ve set for them. And the truth of the matter is, it’s hard. And so sometimes, when you have an unrealistic expectation that can, that can lead to a misstep.
3) Being inconsistent: So if we create structures and boundaries about something like, let’s say, screentime, again. We tell you we can only do it for an hour between the hours of eight and nine, and then we don’t follow through with that, and then all of a sudden, kids like, well, I know, she’s not really going to tell me to get off. So I’m just gonna stay on for another, you know, 10 or 15 minutes. And then, and then that’s about us as parents for not holding our kids accountable and not holding ourselves accountable. And that’s one of the beauties of working with a parent coach is that I can help with all three of those missteps, helping you figure out what questions to ask to collect more data, to help really set expectations that are realistic, and to help you have some accountability every week, when we meet, you got to tell me what you followed through on.
Rav: That’s awesome. And yeah, consistency is a challenge. So being a parent, you get emotional sometimes, and you’ll let it slide. But that ends in a totally different spiral altogether. So I can relate to that. The next question which comes to mind is when doing parents Or how do parents know that they need external help? Right, when there are times when they might? Like I’m a parent, If I refer to a book, or my friends who have kids of similar age, is that a good resource? Is that one way to go about it, or I should be looking for a parent coach to come to you?
Jenny: That’s a great question, Rav.
Books & Resources: I think that books and resources you can finally get on the internet for parenting are amazing. There’s some great stuff out there that can be helpful when you feel like you’re in a crisis. And you’ve tried everything, and nothing’s working. And it’s fantastic to be able to just kind of at your fingertips be able to find some things that other people have done, whether they’re other parents or researchers. People studying brain development might have some great tips. And those are. I’m so happy that it’s all out there.
Why to choose a Parent Coach:
1) Empathy: But what they lack is an understanding of your unique situation, your family ecology, your style, your children’s style, and really, nobody knows you or your family or your child better than you do. And that’s where sometimes these books can fall short. Because it doesn’t account for your strengths, it doesn’t account for your child’s strengths.
2) Evaluating the Situation: And what you want to do is to really figure out, even within the most challenging situation, what is working, and how you can harness your strengths as a parent, the strength of your co-parent, the strengths of your child to try to overcome a challenge rather than reinventing the wheel from something you read in a book. And that’s where parent coaching can come in. Because we can just really start to help you shift, you can look at a situation from a more positive lens, use your strengths, and use what’s working to build out a plan to create more ease and peace and overcome the challenge.
3) Time to Call a Parent Coach: When should you call a parent coach when I think you’re up late at night worrying when you feel as though you have no other you don’t have any other tools or ideas in your toolbox. You’re just at a scene if you’re feeling totally energized negatively about being a parent. I don’t mean you know, I suggest you’re feeling it for a while because we all have moments where we wish we could hang up or just head out the door but that’s what that’s where I see it when you really feel stuck. Not sure how to get out.
Rav: Got it makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much for answering that. I have one final question for you. And that’s related to my field, digital marketing. What digital marketing strategies? Have you tried what works for you?
1) Blog: So I have a blog that I write every month, I try to have them be topics that feel important and timely, such as a lot of stuff that when we were going through the pandemic, things that will be helpful, I try not to always have them be, have some tips and strategies in there that can be used right away. But really, from a coaching lens, that helps again, helping you discover strengths and figure out what’s working.
2) Email Marketing & Social Media: And I’ve used MailChimp, I use that to send out my blogs, and then I’ll use social media to alert people that they’re out there. And sometimes I’ll, I’m able to take questions based on the blog and respond to people through social media. And that’s one of the ways that I used to do marketing.
Rav: That’s awesome. So it’s great to hear that blogging and MailChimp and email marketing and social media are working for your business. I was surprised to learn that 1000s of people are searching for a parent coach online. So, my two cents would be that trying SEO and online advertising could get you interested parents. And this was a complete Eye Opener as well that people are searching for a parent coach, and I’m dumb. I didn’t even know that their parent coach existed before I got to know you.
Jenny: Well. First of all, you’re not dumb. And thank you so much. That’s a great tip. I need to look into that.
Rav: Thank you, Jenny. This was awesome. And I’m sure a lot of parents can find a lot of value in this webinar. Thank you for doing this.